I've just started following some more blogs, which seem, from what I skim-read, to be quite interesting and all that.
I was hoping to be a lot more active on DeadSouls, and while I've made a few more works to go up, I haven't had time/been able to scan them in or take photos. I have a whole bunch of assessments and school is slowly draining me.
But if I can get past the next two weeks alright, then I'll be fine. It annoys me that teachers think that only their subject is important (well, i'm lucky to have two really good teachers who aren't like that. they negotiate!) and therefore put their assessments and stuff on the same day as a million other things. I have 2 exams next week - a French listening exam, and a speaking exam. I also have two essays due, and the next week I have a speech and a visual arts progress mark.
I'm kind of looking forward to giving in my work so far, because I like to read feedback. Art, right now, (and kind of always), is my favourite subject. A day without art, is really tiring and boring for me. Even if art is the first class I have, I am still always happy for the rest of the day.
Thats why I'm excited for tomorrow, as my art class is doing practical work, and we're working on our majors... and I have a double-free (two study periods) right before it & before lunch. So, if I wanted to, and if whichever teacher held the room for those two periods would let me, I could really just work on painting my work for that whole time. It'd be glorious! I just started painting my work too... I'm very happy about it, because at the end of last year was when we all started working on our HSC artworks, and mostly everyone has done some form of painting (even if it was digitally), except for me. I first had to draw and plan my whole work (on a large scale) in pencil, and then once that was done (about 2 months ago now?) I had to ink it all. That took a little less time, but if it puts it into perspective, I only just started painting on the Monday that just passed. Finally, colour!
I had art theory today, and my teacher was talking about how she is an abstract painter. She was telling us how she likes other styles, but she will always prefer abstract. And then we were all discussing the first painting (etc) that got us into our current 'style', except I wasn't talking much, just listening. And I could see that her eyes kept falling on me, like she was secretly wanting me to join in and explain my style (because, just a note... my major is kind of based on dreams, false realities... that sort of thing. I've basically drawn a mish-mash of lots of the people/things I usually draw, the ones that started out in my dreams. So there are a lot of monsters with many arms, and the spider boys, and andro-boys and andro-girls in it) and all I could say was basically that when I was younger I was very heavily into video-games and comic book stories, and it progressed from there. I loved the fantastical. And then I started 'finding' people - artists - on the internet. But they weren't the famous artists in textbooks. They were just other people, like me. We all shared our art together. We influenced each other. That was all I could say. That I've met a lot of internet-famous and not-so-internet famous people on the world wide web, who helped me (even if they don't know it) to develop what I now call my style.
It was all very deep and epic when I said all this. It felt strange, letting people know so much about me. Even if its not very much. I think that a lot of people see me as a petite blonde faery-girl who sings strange songs (of cure and boosh) and draws constantly. I'm quite sure, that they just see that much, and think me a bit strange. But thats okay. Sometimes, I would like to tell everyone my 'secrets'. But...
I have a fear that everything would fall apart...
B.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Vanity breeds Obsession
There is something that has been bothering me more and more in the past few years, and I am beginning to believe that the reason it has been increasing in it's ability to bother me is because it is becoming more of a social standard and overall habit. A habit, which I severely hope that I am not doing myself, without realising it.
It, the habit, I believe has been growing in amount due to it becoming socially accepted. Every one is doing it. Every one has it. It has always been there, but I don't believe in such an amount.
Vanity.
Vanity and this thing that is people obsessed with image, the physical projection of oneself to the masses. And not only how the self looks, what their image is, but also the judging and constant evaluations of others.
This is not supposed to be another of my "Androgyny" rants. This has very little to do with it, depending on the perspective that you take (and I hope, you will take the same as me in this blog...)
It seems to me that it's perfectly fine and normal for people to be evaluated personality-wise on what they look like on the outside. It's the case of "Oh, well he/she dresses in such and such a way, he/she must be X, Y or Z." I know so many people who seem to live by this idea, and it's beginning to sicken me. I hate it.
In my previous blogs, I have spoken about my own appearance and they way in which I present myself to the world. I opt for the more androgynous because I feel comfortable that way. I hate wearing dresses if I don't have to (unless, on the odd occassion, I want to regardless), and I hate wearing super baggy clothing. Despite past 'image crisies' I am very comfortable with myself now. I like the way I look, and I know that I have others who disagree with it. I get comments all the time, and while sometimes they do upset me, I don't let them drag me down. In realising that that sort of stuff doesn't matter (that stuff being, pleasing everyone else), I've actually become a much happier person. All this, and I personally don't care how other people dress. It's their choice, and what do I have to do with that?
But this...Vanity and hatred, I have a problem with. I know people... People who I really don't believe are comfortable with themselves, despite how they act or how confident they may seem. I get this feeling because I see how they treat others. I don't how they treat others to their faces, but rather much like, what they say when others can't hear them. Generally, it always comes back to how the target LOOKS. There are always put downs. And it pains me. I'm tired, because I lied before when I said I don't try to please everyone - In these cases, I do. I don't say anything to the offenders. And I should. And in that sense I'm just as bad.
If any of the people I am actually writing about read this, of course, they wouldn't think it applied to them. That is the nature of these people. They're perfect, in their own vanity-obscured eyes.
I don't know. In all honesty. This blog is a bit all over the place, but I thought I ought to try and get some of what my headspace was thinking down.
It, the habit, I believe has been growing in amount due to it becoming socially accepted. Every one is doing it. Every one has it. It has always been there, but I don't believe in such an amount.
Vanity.
Vanity and this thing that is people obsessed with image, the physical projection of oneself to the masses. And not only how the self looks, what their image is, but also the judging and constant evaluations of others.
This is not supposed to be another of my "Androgyny" rants. This has very little to do with it, depending on the perspective that you take (and I hope, you will take the same as me in this blog...)
It seems to me that it's perfectly fine and normal for people to be evaluated personality-wise on what they look like on the outside. It's the case of "Oh, well he/she dresses in such and such a way, he/she must be X, Y or Z." I know so many people who seem to live by this idea, and it's beginning to sicken me. I hate it.
In my previous blogs, I have spoken about my own appearance and they way in which I present myself to the world. I opt for the more androgynous because I feel comfortable that way. I hate wearing dresses if I don't have to (unless, on the odd occassion, I want to regardless), and I hate wearing super baggy clothing. Despite past 'image crisies' I am very comfortable with myself now. I like the way I look, and I know that I have others who disagree with it. I get comments all the time, and while sometimes they do upset me, I don't let them drag me down. In realising that that sort of stuff doesn't matter (that stuff being, pleasing everyone else), I've actually become a much happier person. All this, and I personally don't care how other people dress. It's their choice, and what do I have to do with that?
But this...Vanity and hatred, I have a problem with. I know people... People who I really don't believe are comfortable with themselves, despite how they act or how confident they may seem. I get this feeling because I see how they treat others. I don't how they treat others to their faces, but rather much like, what they say when others can't hear them. Generally, it always comes back to how the target LOOKS. There are always put downs. And it pains me. I'm tired, because I lied before when I said I don't try to please everyone - In these cases, I do. I don't say anything to the offenders. And I should. And in that sense I'm just as bad.
If any of the people I am actually writing about read this, of course, they wouldn't think it applied to them. That is the nature of these people. They're perfect, in their own vanity-obscured eyes.
I don't know. In all honesty. This blog is a bit all over the place, but I thought I ought to try and get some of what my headspace was thinking down.
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