I've been slack. There, I said it. I hope that me saying it is better than me not saying anything at all on this blog, which is something quite obviously I have been doing for a long while now. I think that its been a combination of things, as it always is, though mostly I just felt as though I was losing touch with this blog and a lot of other things, places and people. I'd been blogging on here fairly regularly (maybe to say that is a stretch?), and then suddenly, it seemed to me that what I had to say wasn't all that interesting. It was like I was trying to prove something. It left me wordless. Now, I'm not saying that this time will be any different. The blog still probably wont be interesting to most people, and I probably still am trying to prove something, though what, and to whom, I don't know anymore.

I've been at uni for something over two months now (maybe even three months, I just realised!), and it seems to be going quite well. I'll admit, initially it scared me. Within the first week we were dumped upon all of these assessments, ones which we HAD to pass in order to succeed in the course. All this, and we only had a couple of weeks to complete them all. Now, in highschool, because of the classes which I had chosen I rarely had to do any assessments. I mean, obviously I did have to do some, but generally, they weren't excessively hard and most of all, they weren't asking for you to write something from your own perspective & giving your own opinion. This is what an art school is all about, yes, I know, but it's never been one of my strong points. (This is the very reason why I make art -- it doesn't always need a coherent string of words, and at the very least, it can just be a colour or an idea). I can write, quite well, so I've been told, and not trying to sound pretentious (hah. artschool + literary + me... it's the very definition of pretentious, ladies and gentlemen and those inbetween), but generally whenever I write anything that's supposed to be an opinion of my own or from my own 'perspective', it ends up coming out quite ... insincere. Well, when I read it back anyway.

So I had panicked. I had panicked and gotten myself so worked up and neurotic about the whole thing, that I kind of ended up feeling like it was all going to be too much for me. As a rule though, I knew I wouldn't let myself give up. If anything, I draw misery to myself, so even if I was failing badly by the middle of the year, there would be no way that I'd have let myself drop out or quit. That said, I'm still here. Still a student attending university. Going (so far) quite well. As far as I can tell, anyway.

The thing I like about this art school, aside from actually being allowed to draw in class for once, is the whole atmosphere of the place. You know good things are about when you get people bringing their instruments in, and playing music together just for fun. People are generally very laid back and chill, on my better days anyway. I say this because as I do have this highly romanticised view, I also tend to swing to the polar opposite, and sometimes too many people wearing floral dresses and opaque tights, and vintage boots can become quite monotonous and repetitive and also redundant. You end up wondering "If all these people are here for their unique thinking, why do they all present themselves EXACTLY the same?"

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I don't know how many of my 'real life friends' read this blog, so I'm kind of wary about actually writing this part of the blog here, and at some point, I probably will just take it down or edit it out, for fear of otherwise sounding like a whiny fool.

Aside from uni, the second reason that I hadn't been updating my blog was because my current situations amongst my 'friends' was getting me down. See, since highschool ended, and university began, I have lost touch with so many people who I genuinely believed I wouldn't. I know everyone is busy with uni and tafe and college and all manner of things, so at first it didn't bother me that much. then i started seeing on peoples facebook pages, and in my feeds on various networking sites, photos and comments to one another and status updates about 'awesome' parties or get togethers and what-have-you that they all seemed to attend. All, except me. Most of the time I never even got told about any of these 'group' get-togethers. Which does, as I said before, bother me. I was part of the group in highschool... wasn't i? So sometimes it is other peoples 'fault', I guess you could say, for the lack of communication and connection. But then this just makes me think, is it actually really my fault? Did I do something to offend ALL of these people, Is it just me? Something tells me that this could be true, or false, really it could go eitherway. The neuroses in me will always say that there is a justifiable reason that people decide they'd have more fun without boring little me. But then my amedee-ilari-lucifer stan side says "No. This is not acceptable. You HAVE tried contacting people. You HAVE organised things. The People In Question seem to always go back on plans made."

.... I dunno. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know exactly why it seems to be the case, over and over, that I lose touch. I have tried hard to keep things together. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough.

I'll turn eighteen in a week. Maybe I should try even harder to keep things together after that.

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Back to the artsy stuff, I've made a tumblr account, which is where I'll be uploading most, if not all, of my artwork now (in conjunction with http://deadsouls.webs.com, which will feature completed works and character sheets only). So if you're following me on DeviantArt, I'm just letting you know that until I actually complete some bigger/larger scale (not necessarily size-wise, but you get the idea) projects, I wont really be uploading anything to that account.

So if you're interested, go visit me at http://mockingbirdss.tumblr.com.

Also, as a final note, you can also ask me anything at http://formspring.me/mockingbirdss. And really, by anything, I mean nothing too personal, lest I reply snarkily, which I reserve the right to do, seeing as I've warned you.

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cheerio,

bridget.

Shyness is nice...

Blerg... It seems like a while since I've written any blogs, even though quite a bit has happened since my last one. I'm putting it down to my family being on holidays and everyone being antisocial and wanting to be on the computer. I rarely get a look into it anymore, so I've been doing more productive things, like reading and making dolls and stuff.

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First thing's first, I've been offered a place at Sydney College of the Arts! I'm late in posting it here, but when I found out, I put it out there all over the internet. So if you didn't know already, now you do. I'm really excited about it because SCA was my first choice for Universities, mainly because I agree with their application process. Unlike most of the other Art based Uni's, SCA didn't base your entry upon Final/HSC exam scores, but rather on an actual portfolio and an interview. This pleased me, because while I'm not very good at exams and stuff, I'd like to think I'm quite good at what I do artistically.
I still have to enrol properly, but I do that at the end of the month, and then I can actually say I'm a SCA student! However, because I've had something crazy like 3 months off since finishing my HSC and High School, I'm not looking forward that much to starting classes in March. Purely because I'm lazy and have gotten very very used to waking up late. (And after 13 years of waking up uber early for school, why wouldn't I prefer sleeping in til 10?)

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Yesterday I went with my family to see an 80's exhibition at the PowerHouse Museum. It was kind of more focused on 80's fashion, and music and videogames -- I suppose more "pop culture" things that would be nostalgic for older generations (like my Ma and Da?) and would interest most teenagers of today.

They had nintendo entertainment systems and the really old "gameboy brick" (as my sister, Siobhan calls it, and which we used to own in green, until it mysteriously disappeared) and you were able to play some of the games because they had them set up, but mostly you couldn't get a turn because there was always crowds of young children hogging them. Siobhan and I did get a turn on one of them, and Siobhan totally owned all of the little kids at it, which showed them a thing or two about old videogames, and how easy today's ones seem to have gotten.

Fashionwise, they had all these mannequin's set up displaying the kind of 'scenes' or stereotypes, and with some of them they had little screens with footage in set up, so people who used to call themselves one of whatever 'scene' would talk about it. When we got to the "Goth" one, my Ma said that it sounded like me, and I was all "Noooooo". Because while I like music that gets called Goth now, I really don't consider myself one. (Though, if it had to come between getting called an Emo or a Goth, I would much prefer Goth/Goff)

Before we actually went there I was a little unsure about it. I think because today it seems like if you say you're 80's inspired, its more of a hip trend, and I kind of think that its gotten a bit over-rated. I mean, I like quite a lot of things from the 80's, but it annoys me how every musician now seems to be trying to emulate or copy the look and sound of that decade. It used to not bother me as much, because even when they were trying to be like that, they were still different and had their own 'thing', their own special something. Now almost every band, regardless of what genre it is, seems to sound the same. I mean, there's some obvious ones which when you listen to the radio, you can tell straight away that it's them. Like Muse or Franz Ferdinand etc. And that's not just because I like them. I actually think I like them because I can tell them apart from the 80's psuedo crush. It's also really annoying me now that whenever I put on Rage or any other music video show, they're all playing modern bands, but those bands have made their video clips look like old 80's clips. I mean, on purpose. It's not cool, guys!


Anyway, enough of that rant. Maybe I'll write a blog some other time on the follies of modern music and musicians.

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The last thing I have to say right now (because I've lost my train of thought) is that I'm currently working on a new doll. It's going to be The Headless Boy, and I've already sculpted and fired him, and even made some of his clothing, but I just need to string him properly. I'm hoping to use wire instead of string, even though right now I've just got him done up with thick cotton string. I've tried out a different type of join for his elbows and knees, and made him slightly more 'ball jointed' than all my other dolls.


xx,
B