I've been slack. There, I said it. I hope that me saying it is better than me not saying anything at all on this blog, which is something quite obviously I have been doing for a long while now. I think that its been a combination of things, as it always is, though mostly I just felt as though I was losing touch with this blog and a lot of other things, places and people. I'd been blogging on here fairly regularly (maybe to say that is a stretch?), and then suddenly, it seemed to me that what I had to say wasn't all that interesting. It was like I was trying to prove something. It left me wordless. Now, I'm not saying that this time will be any different. The blog still probably wont be interesting to most people, and I probably still am trying to prove something, though what, and to whom, I don't know anymore.

I've been at uni for something over two months now (maybe even three months, I just realised!), and it seems to be going quite well. I'll admit, initially it scared me. Within the first week we were dumped upon all of these assessments, ones which we HAD to pass in order to succeed in the course. All this, and we only had a couple of weeks to complete them all. Now, in highschool, because of the classes which I had chosen I rarely had to do any assessments. I mean, obviously I did have to do some, but generally, they weren't excessively hard and most of all, they weren't asking for you to write something from your own perspective & giving your own opinion. This is what an art school is all about, yes, I know, but it's never been one of my strong points. (This is the very reason why I make art -- it doesn't always need a coherent string of words, and at the very least, it can just be a colour or an idea). I can write, quite well, so I've been told, and not trying to sound pretentious (hah. artschool + literary + me... it's the very definition of pretentious, ladies and gentlemen and those inbetween), but generally whenever I write anything that's supposed to be an opinion of my own or from my own 'perspective', it ends up coming out quite ... insincere. Well, when I read it back anyway.

So I had panicked. I had panicked and gotten myself so worked up and neurotic about the whole thing, that I kind of ended up feeling like it was all going to be too much for me. As a rule though, I knew I wouldn't let myself give up. If anything, I draw misery to myself, so even if I was failing badly by the middle of the year, there would be no way that I'd have let myself drop out or quit. That said, I'm still here. Still a student attending university. Going (so far) quite well. As far as I can tell, anyway.

The thing I like about this art school, aside from actually being allowed to draw in class for once, is the whole atmosphere of the place. You know good things are about when you get people bringing their instruments in, and playing music together just for fun. People are generally very laid back and chill, on my better days anyway. I say this because as I do have this highly romanticised view, I also tend to swing to the polar opposite, and sometimes too many people wearing floral dresses and opaque tights, and vintage boots can become quite monotonous and repetitive and also redundant. You end up wondering "If all these people are here for their unique thinking, why do they all present themselves EXACTLY the same?"

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I don't know how many of my 'real life friends' read this blog, so I'm kind of wary about actually writing this part of the blog here, and at some point, I probably will just take it down or edit it out, for fear of otherwise sounding like a whiny fool.

Aside from uni, the second reason that I hadn't been updating my blog was because my current situations amongst my 'friends' was getting me down. See, since highschool ended, and university began, I have lost touch with so many people who I genuinely believed I wouldn't. I know everyone is busy with uni and tafe and college and all manner of things, so at first it didn't bother me that much. then i started seeing on peoples facebook pages, and in my feeds on various networking sites, photos and comments to one another and status updates about 'awesome' parties or get togethers and what-have-you that they all seemed to attend. All, except me. Most of the time I never even got told about any of these 'group' get-togethers. Which does, as I said before, bother me. I was part of the group in highschool... wasn't i? So sometimes it is other peoples 'fault', I guess you could say, for the lack of communication and connection. But then this just makes me think, is it actually really my fault? Did I do something to offend ALL of these people, Is it just me? Something tells me that this could be true, or false, really it could go eitherway. The neuroses in me will always say that there is a justifiable reason that people decide they'd have more fun without boring little me. But then my amedee-ilari-lucifer stan side says "No. This is not acceptable. You HAVE tried contacting people. You HAVE organised things. The People In Question seem to always go back on plans made."

.... I dunno. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know exactly why it seems to be the case, over and over, that I lose touch. I have tried hard to keep things together. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough.

I'll turn eighteen in a week. Maybe I should try even harder to keep things together after that.

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Back to the artsy stuff, I've made a tumblr account, which is where I'll be uploading most, if not all, of my artwork now (in conjunction with http://deadsouls.webs.com, which will feature completed works and character sheets only). So if you're following me on DeviantArt, I'm just letting you know that until I actually complete some bigger/larger scale (not necessarily size-wise, but you get the idea) projects, I wont really be uploading anything to that account.

So if you're interested, go visit me at http://mockingbirdss.tumblr.com.

Also, as a final note, you can also ask me anything at http://formspring.me/mockingbirdss. And really, by anything, I mean nothing too personal, lest I reply snarkily, which I reserve the right to do, seeing as I've warned you.

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cheerio,

bridget.