I've been slack. There, I said it. I hope that me saying it is better than me not saying anything at all on this blog, which is something quite obviously I have been doing for a long while now. I think that its been a combination of things, as it always is, though mostly I just felt as though I was losing touch with this blog and a lot of other things, places and people. I'd been blogging on here fairly regularly (maybe to say that is a stretch?), and then suddenly, it seemed to me that what I had to say wasn't all that interesting. It was like I was trying to prove something. It left me wordless. Now, I'm not saying that this time will be any different. The blog still probably wont be interesting to most people, and I probably still am trying to prove something, though what, and to whom, I don't know anymore.

I've been at uni for something over two months now (maybe even three months, I just realised!), and it seems to be going quite well. I'll admit, initially it scared me. Within the first week we were dumped upon all of these assessments, ones which we HAD to pass in order to succeed in the course. All this, and we only had a couple of weeks to complete them all. Now, in highschool, because of the classes which I had chosen I rarely had to do any assessments. I mean, obviously I did have to do some, but generally, they weren't excessively hard and most of all, they weren't asking for you to write something from your own perspective & giving your own opinion. This is what an art school is all about, yes, I know, but it's never been one of my strong points. (This is the very reason why I make art -- it doesn't always need a coherent string of words, and at the very least, it can just be a colour or an idea). I can write, quite well, so I've been told, and not trying to sound pretentious (hah. artschool + literary + me... it's the very definition of pretentious, ladies and gentlemen and those inbetween), but generally whenever I write anything that's supposed to be an opinion of my own or from my own 'perspective', it ends up coming out quite ... insincere. Well, when I read it back anyway.

So I had panicked. I had panicked and gotten myself so worked up and neurotic about the whole thing, that I kind of ended up feeling like it was all going to be too much for me. As a rule though, I knew I wouldn't let myself give up. If anything, I draw misery to myself, so even if I was failing badly by the middle of the year, there would be no way that I'd have let myself drop out or quit. That said, I'm still here. Still a student attending university. Going (so far) quite well. As far as I can tell, anyway.

The thing I like about this art school, aside from actually being allowed to draw in class for once, is the whole atmosphere of the place. You know good things are about when you get people bringing their instruments in, and playing music together just for fun. People are generally very laid back and chill, on my better days anyway. I say this because as I do have this highly romanticised view, I also tend to swing to the polar opposite, and sometimes too many people wearing floral dresses and opaque tights, and vintage boots can become quite monotonous and repetitive and also redundant. You end up wondering "If all these people are here for their unique thinking, why do they all present themselves EXACTLY the same?"

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I don't know how many of my 'real life friends' read this blog, so I'm kind of wary about actually writing this part of the blog here, and at some point, I probably will just take it down or edit it out, for fear of otherwise sounding like a whiny fool.

Aside from uni, the second reason that I hadn't been updating my blog was because my current situations amongst my 'friends' was getting me down. See, since highschool ended, and university began, I have lost touch with so many people who I genuinely believed I wouldn't. I know everyone is busy with uni and tafe and college and all manner of things, so at first it didn't bother me that much. then i started seeing on peoples facebook pages, and in my feeds on various networking sites, photos and comments to one another and status updates about 'awesome' parties or get togethers and what-have-you that they all seemed to attend. All, except me. Most of the time I never even got told about any of these 'group' get-togethers. Which does, as I said before, bother me. I was part of the group in highschool... wasn't i? So sometimes it is other peoples 'fault', I guess you could say, for the lack of communication and connection. But then this just makes me think, is it actually really my fault? Did I do something to offend ALL of these people, Is it just me? Something tells me that this could be true, or false, really it could go eitherway. The neuroses in me will always say that there is a justifiable reason that people decide they'd have more fun without boring little me. But then my amedee-ilari-lucifer stan side says "No. This is not acceptable. You HAVE tried contacting people. You HAVE organised things. The People In Question seem to always go back on plans made."

.... I dunno. I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know exactly why it seems to be the case, over and over, that I lose touch. I have tried hard to keep things together. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough.

I'll turn eighteen in a week. Maybe I should try even harder to keep things together after that.

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Back to the artsy stuff, I've made a tumblr account, which is where I'll be uploading most, if not all, of my artwork now (in conjunction with http://deadsouls.webs.com, which will feature completed works and character sheets only). So if you're following me on DeviantArt, I'm just letting you know that until I actually complete some bigger/larger scale (not necessarily size-wise, but you get the idea) projects, I wont really be uploading anything to that account.

So if you're interested, go visit me at http://mockingbirdss.tumblr.com.

Also, as a final note, you can also ask me anything at http://formspring.me/mockingbirdss. And really, by anything, I mean nothing too personal, lest I reply snarkily, which I reserve the right to do, seeing as I've warned you.

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cheerio,

bridget.

Shyness is nice...

Blerg... It seems like a while since I've written any blogs, even though quite a bit has happened since my last one. I'm putting it down to my family being on holidays and everyone being antisocial and wanting to be on the computer. I rarely get a look into it anymore, so I've been doing more productive things, like reading and making dolls and stuff.

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First thing's first, I've been offered a place at Sydney College of the Arts! I'm late in posting it here, but when I found out, I put it out there all over the internet. So if you didn't know already, now you do. I'm really excited about it because SCA was my first choice for Universities, mainly because I agree with their application process. Unlike most of the other Art based Uni's, SCA didn't base your entry upon Final/HSC exam scores, but rather on an actual portfolio and an interview. This pleased me, because while I'm not very good at exams and stuff, I'd like to think I'm quite good at what I do artistically.
I still have to enrol properly, but I do that at the end of the month, and then I can actually say I'm a SCA student! However, because I've had something crazy like 3 months off since finishing my HSC and High School, I'm not looking forward that much to starting classes in March. Purely because I'm lazy and have gotten very very used to waking up late. (And after 13 years of waking up uber early for school, why wouldn't I prefer sleeping in til 10?)

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Yesterday I went with my family to see an 80's exhibition at the PowerHouse Museum. It was kind of more focused on 80's fashion, and music and videogames -- I suppose more "pop culture" things that would be nostalgic for older generations (like my Ma and Da?) and would interest most teenagers of today.

They had nintendo entertainment systems and the really old "gameboy brick" (as my sister, Siobhan calls it, and which we used to own in green, until it mysteriously disappeared) and you were able to play some of the games because they had them set up, but mostly you couldn't get a turn because there was always crowds of young children hogging them. Siobhan and I did get a turn on one of them, and Siobhan totally owned all of the little kids at it, which showed them a thing or two about old videogames, and how easy today's ones seem to have gotten.

Fashionwise, they had all these mannequin's set up displaying the kind of 'scenes' or stereotypes, and with some of them they had little screens with footage in set up, so people who used to call themselves one of whatever 'scene' would talk about it. When we got to the "Goth" one, my Ma said that it sounded like me, and I was all "Noooooo". Because while I like music that gets called Goth now, I really don't consider myself one. (Though, if it had to come between getting called an Emo or a Goth, I would much prefer Goth/Goff)

Before we actually went there I was a little unsure about it. I think because today it seems like if you say you're 80's inspired, its more of a hip trend, and I kind of think that its gotten a bit over-rated. I mean, I like quite a lot of things from the 80's, but it annoys me how every musician now seems to be trying to emulate or copy the look and sound of that decade. It used to not bother me as much, because even when they were trying to be like that, they were still different and had their own 'thing', their own special something. Now almost every band, regardless of what genre it is, seems to sound the same. I mean, there's some obvious ones which when you listen to the radio, you can tell straight away that it's them. Like Muse or Franz Ferdinand etc. And that's not just because I like them. I actually think I like them because I can tell them apart from the 80's psuedo crush. It's also really annoying me now that whenever I put on Rage or any other music video show, they're all playing modern bands, but those bands have made their video clips look like old 80's clips. I mean, on purpose. It's not cool, guys!


Anyway, enough of that rant. Maybe I'll write a blog some other time on the follies of modern music and musicians.

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The last thing I have to say right now (because I've lost my train of thought) is that I'm currently working on a new doll. It's going to be The Headless Boy, and I've already sculpted and fired him, and even made some of his clothing, but I just need to string him properly. I'm hoping to use wire instead of string, even though right now I've just got him done up with thick cotton string. I've tried out a different type of join for his elbows and knees, and made him slightly more 'ball jointed' than all my other dolls.


xx,
B

hang on to your IQ

Green Day was great. No, really great.
Ok, so I know that it's been a few days now since then, but once you read on about it you'll most likely understand why that is. (Just letting you know, it's kind of haphazardly written as I remember things and add them in).

I went with my sister, Siobhan (whose blog you can read here) and even though we'd been in the standing/mosh sections at other concerts before, and though we'd heard about Green Day's crowds being rough and really rowdy, I don't think we were expecting it. Jet played a half hour support set and as soon as Green Day came on stage and started their first song, everyone behind Von and I surged forwards (we were in the second row from the catwalk part of the stage) and started bashing into eachother in the whole "circle of death" mosh type thing. This perhaps was unfortunate initially, because I was right next to a group of boys who while they looked younger than me, were all much much taller, and er, wider, than myself. So Siobhan got pushed forwards and I, after being knocked to the side by some great hulk of a boy, was pushed backwards as everyone else tried to get infront of me and fill up the gaps.

I'll admit, I was kind of shocked, and I was going to make my way to the back of the standing area to be 'safe', but then I thought "No, I'm not going to let myself be pushed out of a spot which I tried so hard to get in the first place." And so I ended up weasling my way back up to the front, and using my elbows and forearms as a kind of protective barrier from people who fell into me on purpose. That's the good thing about being so small and slight -- you can fit into almost any gap, and then annoy people till they move away from you. This is what Siobhan and I did for most of the concert. Whenever we were pushed out of our awesome front-few-row place, we'd just weasle on back up there. I think a lot of the people around us were like "Whaaa? How did she get back there?" Specifically because a lot of the time you could feel people leaning forwards on purpose, or jumping into you just so you'd move and they could take your spot. That kind of thing sort of annoys me in mosh pits. I mean, yeah, the point of the pit is to 'mosh' -- you know you're going to be packed in tight, you know you're bound to get hit or bumped into at some point. But it's usually by accident. It annoys me when people do it on purpose. It's leaves me thinking "yeah, I'm not one of your friends, I don't know you. Stop crashing into me, I just want to watch the band in peace."

And speaking of that... I'd just like to say that being short in a moshpit with entirely tall people around you is not always a good thing. While the show was good, I did have to jump a lot to actually see and breathe. Man-sweat is NOT a good thing to breathe. Particularly when you're the same height as everyone's armpits. Yuck.

ALTHOUGH, were Siobhan and I were was a pretty good spot, because Billie and Mike would run up and mess about with the crowd. Because it ended up getting pretty hot, and the air conditioning kind of failed to cool down much, they got out waterguns and spray guns a couple of times, and soaked everyone to cool them down. And they even got a couple of people up onto the stage, which was pretty rad. I always like it when there's actual interaction between the crowd and the band. I think that's another reason why I liked Amanda Palmer & The Danger Ensemble so much.

After the concert I was worried that I'd have bruises all over my arms and legs from where I'd been jostled about, not to mention that my neck was aching from craning it to see, and my lower back just killed from standing (my legs were actually fine -- probably because I moved them about a lot). Apparently, my arms don't bruise so easily anymore, because the next day I didn't have any visible ones anywhere (save for a few on my knees, but I always have bruises there), though my upper arms and shoulders hurt like hell whenever I raised them past a certain point.
It's not as bad now, which is good.

And onwards! My next concert is Placebo (which will almost complete my top 3 bands... I need to see Brian Viglione play yet, or preferably both of the Dresden Dolls together!), in late februrary 2010.

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I get my HSC results this wednesday, and I'm actually not worried about it at all. It just happened that as I finished school, even in the last few weeks, I sort of just didn't care all that much about exams. I mean, in the sense that it doesn't phase me about what mark or grade I'll get. I think it's because I know I can still do what I want regardless of the mark -- I'll find a way to do it no matter what.
The day after is the Yr 12 school barbeque, where I suppose everyone meets up and says how fantastic they are and how wonderful their marks were. I don't know if my friends are going to go, but I'm hoping that they do. That way I wont feel so socially awkward -- not that I really do anymore... I've come out of my shell a lot in the past few months. I'm like a real person now. Not imaginary.

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These past few days, I've been feeling increasingly relaxed and at peace with everything and everyone. I do have this fear that it is just because of the holidays, or because it's almost new year, but I'm really hoping it's not just that. I suppose that we'll have to wait and see, wont we?

Peace&love,
Bridget

Dapper, quite.

Weeks and weeks after the HSC exams are finished, it is just now that I can finally relax. After stressing an awful extensive amount, I finished my portfolio, and attended my SCA interview, and now I am eagerly awaiting a number of possible get togethers with friends and a Green Day concert this upcoming Friday. (I'll just point it out right now, that if my grammar or phrasing seem sloppy or poorly thought out, it's because I'm in 'French-brain' right now, thanks to a bunch of songs and their lyrics, and also because I haven't actually been able to sit and read in a while --- another reason for my lack of updates on here)

First up, the Interview. It wasn't a bad as I had thought it would be. Just like with my HSC french speaking exam, I managed to get myself in such a state of nerves, that even if I moved a little, I'd feel overwhelmingly nauseous. The only remedy to this was an enormous amount of water. But strangely, when my name was called, all the nerves seemed to disappear, and were replaced with what I swear must have been some alternate side or personality of mine. It was like the cheerful face my sister changes into when she is in similar positions. I'd think of it in such a way that I am the meek, pasty and socially awkward side, who wears sweaters and glasses and keeps to a fantasy world within her sketchbooks, and the other is the one who wears their hair all stood up, and in outlandish clothing and big boots. Which is actually based on how much more... outspoken and such that I feel when I do wear what I call me "AFP" boots (which really don't look anything like hers, except that they come up to just under the knee).
ANYWAY, the interviewers were far less scary than I had initially thought. They were actually quite dapper and nice, and actually offered me water. And they smiled. Smiling is very good, because it reassures my angst-side, even if it was insincere.

I don't find out if I'm in until January 5th, so it's definately going to be in the back of my mind until then.

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On the interview day, while in Rozelle, my Ma and I went into a bunch of the trendy 'recycled' clothing stores, and for once I actually found some NICE dresses that fit me! Usually everything is WAY too big, which I put down to people thinking that vintage or 'used' is trendy and hip. In a way, it is, because so many people are doing it now, but I like finding things in Op-shops and Thrift stores because of the way a lot of the older clothing is made, and the cuts are much more flattering for me. APPARENTLY, the 'tunic' look is ALL thats 'in' in modern fashion, and that just makes me look like I'm a lady-boy in a dress. Seriously. The two dresses I bought are fitted, and you can actually tell I'm a girl~

My Ma was looking through the records and vinyls they had, and she showed me one because it was called "The Paris I Love", knowing that I am in love with Frenchie stuff. (How I miss my French class at school!) I wasn't going to buy it, but then I noticed it had La Vie en Rose on it, which is pretty much my favourite song right now, so I bought it, and I've been playing it over and over, annoying everyone.

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I'm going to see Green Day with my sister this Friday, and I am quite excited about it. Except, I'm also kind of scared and nervous because we're in the standing zone and I'm pretty sure that because a lot of Green Day fans like to mosh, and because it's all ages, we're going to get crushed, and bruised up something bad.

OH WELL, C'EST LA VIE, N'EST-CE PAS?

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Peace,
B

I've been wasting all my time with the Devil in the detail

Lately I feel as though I've become so lazy. I swear, today I did not do a productive thing. First, I ate, then computed, then played videogames for several hours (without realising), then watched a couple of episodes of Scrubs, and then I slept for another few hours. I really do feel like a sloth.

I've been using the "you've just had three exams and you're next one is not until thursday next week, you can afford to sloth-out", but I think that I could at least be doing more productive things. This blog is not very productive, but I feel it is something. At least I'm letting people who read it, and kind of care, know what has been happening in the life of b. willoughby.

As I said, I've just finished 3 exams of my HSC (out of 6 -- and not including the French speaking exam). They weren't overly hard, but some of the ways the questions were worded were... surprising, to say the least, and I've never really been that good at thinking of 'introductions' for these kinds of things. My next exam is French Comprehension & Listening, which shouldn't be too hard, because those two aspects were always my strong points at the language. So blahh. I will, probably after tomorrow, have to start studying for it again.

In other news, I got a haircut, and now as I keep saying, "I am a boy again!", which you should know is an inside joke between me and some other people, but whatever. I TOTALLY HAVE A PETER NICCALS COMPLEX RIGHT NOW.

And now because I am slothing-out again, here is some eye candy.

Peter Niccals and Headless.

Peace&Love
Brijjy

Tu me manques

Today I am a real person. I have graduated high school, and although I have yet to sit the HSC exams, I am now kind of not considered to be a student at my highschool. We haven't technically 'signed out' yet, but I have no more classes, and the only reason I have to go back there now is to actually sit the exams, check up on my artwork, and hand in my visual arts book (because I was a silly silly girl and forgot to bring it on the final day).

I don't think it has hit me yet, that most of the people I have just spent the last 2 years with, I will probably never see or hear from again. And I keep forgetting that on monday morning, I don't have to wake at some ungodly hour to rush and get ready to leave for my first class. I suppose that I don't feel that sad or bad about it, because nowadays we have facebook, and email and mobile phones and blogs and.... there are so many new modes of communication that "you can't really ever get away from people", as my old french teacher said.

There are two weeks until I sit my second 'first' exam of the HSC (my real first being the french speaking exam, which was quite a while ago), and I have this sudden fear of failure, which is something I generally don't get with exams. Usually I don't really do much preparation beforehand, and get passing marks and then I forget about it. But the gravity of this for some reason seems to be much more... emphasised, I think, and even though I know I'll be able to get where I want in a number of different ways, I am still scared. I'm scared of being a real person.


School protects you from so much, and it's such a small portion of life when you consider all of the things people do and go through after it's over. It's not even really 'over', when school is 'over', everything else starts.


I think I'll stop there, for fear of getting too deep and philosophical.



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The graduation dinner was last night, and my eyes are still reeling from the camera flashes.
Here are some of my favourite photos.

Myself, Katie D & Dawn D. (Photo by: Jess C)

Katie D, Brijjy (Myself, obvious...) & Jess C. (Photo by Dawn D)

As you can see, I am extremely reflective of all light, and I am ghostly pale in all of the photos. Which, I think, is kind of humorous. It makes me think of Goths In Hot Weather, but without the ... well, weather.

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Yr 12 'Muck Up' day...

I dressed as what could only be described by others as, a mime. Originally I was going to dress as AFP, but ended up demon-miming it up, and kind of got stuck between to two. In the photos you will see me truly being part of the aforementioned blog-site, however, I'll upload some of the photos in a later blog.

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Uni & Colleges & other things...

I sent in an application to Sydney College of The Arts (USYD) a while back, and received an email recently letting me know that they've accepted it, but my acception into the course is pending an interview and them seeing my portfolio. So, I am currently waiting for the phonecall to set up the interview, and anxiously worrying about what I should put into my portfolio which reflects the piece about my work, which I wrote in the application. There are some works I've had for a while (like this one) and some recent ones (like my B.O.W) which I'm pretty sure I'll put in, but as with everything which I perceive others to have to judge me on, I am very unsure about every decision I make and so forth.

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But anyway,

Peace&Love

B (Brijjy)

Another Year

The truck came to pick up the artworks today. We helped the drivers load the boxes into the back of the truck, and then while others sighed heavily with relief, I sighed once more with my sense of loss. But, as they say, 'Now we wait'. And what a long wait it will be!

In other news, today was the second last day of proper school and classes for me. Monday is the final day when we actually have classes, and then the rest of the week is formalities and assemblies, and the ever eagerly awaited 'muck up day'. I didn't realise how close I was to my HSC (Final-Final) exams. Just three more weeks and ... Ugh. I have to study!

For the muck up day, which the school re-named 'fun day', I was planning on dressing as Alex from A Clockwork Orange. My friends had agreed to come as his droogs, so we would be an awesome gang, all dressed up in white with our bowlers caps. But... then we all sort of decided that we wanted to come as other things, so I'm pretty sure I'll be dressing up as AFP/Amanda Palmer, which is mainly because I already have a black dress, striped stockings and boots. So it would be very easy for me to do, without very much effort, and still look pretty awesome. I'm even going to bring this toy piano-keyboard I have. It'll be grand.
One thing is for sure though, I don't plan on shaving off my brows... I might have to figure out some make-up skills here... And should I go to the goff stores and buy face powder? I've always assumed I didn't need it -- I'm pale as it is. (You'd need sunglasses to look at my skin, lest you want your eyes reflected out!)

Proper Life and Social-wise......
there has been a lot of changes. I don't really want to write too much about it, because I try not to in these blogs anyway -- I don't like my whine factor when I choose to write on the subject. But let's re-iterate, there have been changes. Are they good, Are they bad? Too soon to tell, I think.

Artwise.....
as I've already said, my artwork for the HSC has been packaged (I had to 'make' a box, because the original one was too small), and sent away to be marked. I'm applying also for USYD (University of Sydney)/The College of The Arts, and have had to fill out an application form, as well as my preferences. I'll be sending that tomorrow, hopefully. And hopefully they'll want to interview me! Finally, I've been wanting a dip-ink pen for a long time, and have been thinking about getting one, but I always ended up getting side tracked. Until yesterday, when I found a website which stocks & sells stationary & writing equipment, like fountain pens and quills and ink and inkbottles... It's very nice and you can check it out here: http://www.inscriber.com.au/.
I've ordered a dip-ink pen wooden 'nib holder' (I am oh-so-much a fan of dark wood), and some drawing nibs (for reference: #513). They should be arriving by the end of next week, which co-incides with the end of my high school days, so it'll be a big thing! And great nostalgia.
For a while I'll just be using watercolours with it, until I save up my money again and can actually afford a decent priced & quality ink (india ink?!) and so forth. I am also planning to keep my eye out when op-shopping or ebay-searching for some nice bottles which I can use to store inks.

Music-wise.....
Still listening to Placebo and The Dresden Dolls a lot, until I get some new Albums. Currently in the Stereo is No, Virginia... by the former. It's lovely. Mouse & The Model is possibly one of my favourite DD's songs. Period.

Until Tomorrow...
(And tomorrow never comes)

Peace&Love
Bee