Hello Image

Hello every one,


I have not had any exams for a while (well, that's partially true -- my last two were today) and while I could have posted, I didn't.

I have been having some what of an 'image crisis', which is basically where I, based on the opinions and comments of passers-by and generally other people who don't know me at all, begin to self-loathe. I think though that that could be sort of an over statement. I don't hate myself, just the way in which I dress and present myself to the world.

For a long time now, I've had a very 'androgynous' image. It started officially when I first got my hair cut into a short style. I had always dressed as more of a tomboy, even as a very young child, younger than I am now. It hadn't occurred to me that when you become a teenager, or as you grow older, people expect you to grow out of that. They expect you to begin to dress more like the stereotype of your gender.

I am not saying that I don't like girly clothing, or pretty things (quite the opposite - I love pretty black lacy dresses, and jewellery and such things!), but just that I suppose I have always felt more comfortable dressing the way that I do. This, and I like the idea of androgyny. I like the idea of indetermined male and female qualities and features. Where masculinity and femininity are not to either extreme. Where they are equal. I've always been drawn to that, and I've always thought that it is beauty. This, I feel, is reflected within the things that I draw and paint.

But here it is, it seems that even in this modern context, you can't be androgynous. You can't look too much like the opposite sex, without crude rumours being spread, or hurtful, burning words being hissed. In a day and age where human kind has think that it has come so far, there are still so many narrow, small minded people. And this hurts me. It saddens me to know that there are people with the same situation as me - no matter how different that situation may seem - who feel as though they can't be themselves. And all this, because some stupid, uneducated person or peoples can make it like this.

I, in my own way, am letting them. I'm doing it by writing this blog, but I do it unintentionally. I do it to draw attention to it. I like how I dress, but I don't like when I have to feel like I can't be me. I don't like small minded ideas. And now I will not let what lies they say rule how I see myself, and my own worth.

And a note to all readers; This is essentially a summary of thoughts that I have had during the past few days, and even weeks. I never intend for my words to come across as whiney, or 'angsty', though it is sometimes seen that way. I am, as always, trying to convey my thoughts on the subject.

In other news, I am looking forward, very much, to getting back to my VA Body of Work. I miss it so!

B