hang on to your IQ

Green Day was great. No, really great.
Ok, so I know that it's been a few days now since then, but once you read on about it you'll most likely understand why that is. (Just letting you know, it's kind of haphazardly written as I remember things and add them in).

I went with my sister, Siobhan (whose blog you can read here) and even though we'd been in the standing/mosh sections at other concerts before, and though we'd heard about Green Day's crowds being rough and really rowdy, I don't think we were expecting it. Jet played a half hour support set and as soon as Green Day came on stage and started their first song, everyone behind Von and I surged forwards (we were in the second row from the catwalk part of the stage) and started bashing into eachother in the whole "circle of death" mosh type thing. This perhaps was unfortunate initially, because I was right next to a group of boys who while they looked younger than me, were all much much taller, and er, wider, than myself. So Siobhan got pushed forwards and I, after being knocked to the side by some great hulk of a boy, was pushed backwards as everyone else tried to get infront of me and fill up the gaps.

I'll admit, I was kind of shocked, and I was going to make my way to the back of the standing area to be 'safe', but then I thought "No, I'm not going to let myself be pushed out of a spot which I tried so hard to get in the first place." And so I ended up weasling my way back up to the front, and using my elbows and forearms as a kind of protective barrier from people who fell into me on purpose. That's the good thing about being so small and slight -- you can fit into almost any gap, and then annoy people till they move away from you. This is what Siobhan and I did for most of the concert. Whenever we were pushed out of our awesome front-few-row place, we'd just weasle on back up there. I think a lot of the people around us were like "Whaaa? How did she get back there?" Specifically because a lot of the time you could feel people leaning forwards on purpose, or jumping into you just so you'd move and they could take your spot. That kind of thing sort of annoys me in mosh pits. I mean, yeah, the point of the pit is to 'mosh' -- you know you're going to be packed in tight, you know you're bound to get hit or bumped into at some point. But it's usually by accident. It annoys me when people do it on purpose. It's leaves me thinking "yeah, I'm not one of your friends, I don't know you. Stop crashing into me, I just want to watch the band in peace."

And speaking of that... I'd just like to say that being short in a moshpit with entirely tall people around you is not always a good thing. While the show was good, I did have to jump a lot to actually see and breathe. Man-sweat is NOT a good thing to breathe. Particularly when you're the same height as everyone's armpits. Yuck.

ALTHOUGH, were Siobhan and I were was a pretty good spot, because Billie and Mike would run up and mess about with the crowd. Because it ended up getting pretty hot, and the air conditioning kind of failed to cool down much, they got out waterguns and spray guns a couple of times, and soaked everyone to cool them down. And they even got a couple of people up onto the stage, which was pretty rad. I always like it when there's actual interaction between the crowd and the band. I think that's another reason why I liked Amanda Palmer & The Danger Ensemble so much.

After the concert I was worried that I'd have bruises all over my arms and legs from where I'd been jostled about, not to mention that my neck was aching from craning it to see, and my lower back just killed from standing (my legs were actually fine -- probably because I moved them about a lot). Apparently, my arms don't bruise so easily anymore, because the next day I didn't have any visible ones anywhere (save for a few on my knees, but I always have bruises there), though my upper arms and shoulders hurt like hell whenever I raised them past a certain point.
It's not as bad now, which is good.

And onwards! My next concert is Placebo (which will almost complete my top 3 bands... I need to see Brian Viglione play yet, or preferably both of the Dresden Dolls together!), in late februrary 2010.

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I get my HSC results this wednesday, and I'm actually not worried about it at all. It just happened that as I finished school, even in the last few weeks, I sort of just didn't care all that much about exams. I mean, in the sense that it doesn't phase me about what mark or grade I'll get. I think it's because I know I can still do what I want regardless of the mark -- I'll find a way to do it no matter what.
The day after is the Yr 12 school barbeque, where I suppose everyone meets up and says how fantastic they are and how wonderful their marks were. I don't know if my friends are going to go, but I'm hoping that they do. That way I wont feel so socially awkward -- not that I really do anymore... I've come out of my shell a lot in the past few months. I'm like a real person now. Not imaginary.

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These past few days, I've been feeling increasingly relaxed and at peace with everything and everyone. I do have this fear that it is just because of the holidays, or because it's almost new year, but I'm really hoping it's not just that. I suppose that we'll have to wait and see, wont we?

Peace&love,
Bridget

Dapper, quite.

Weeks and weeks after the HSC exams are finished, it is just now that I can finally relax. After stressing an awful extensive amount, I finished my portfolio, and attended my SCA interview, and now I am eagerly awaiting a number of possible get togethers with friends and a Green Day concert this upcoming Friday. (I'll just point it out right now, that if my grammar or phrasing seem sloppy or poorly thought out, it's because I'm in 'French-brain' right now, thanks to a bunch of songs and their lyrics, and also because I haven't actually been able to sit and read in a while --- another reason for my lack of updates on here)

First up, the Interview. It wasn't a bad as I had thought it would be. Just like with my HSC french speaking exam, I managed to get myself in such a state of nerves, that even if I moved a little, I'd feel overwhelmingly nauseous. The only remedy to this was an enormous amount of water. But strangely, when my name was called, all the nerves seemed to disappear, and were replaced with what I swear must have been some alternate side or personality of mine. It was like the cheerful face my sister changes into when she is in similar positions. I'd think of it in such a way that I am the meek, pasty and socially awkward side, who wears sweaters and glasses and keeps to a fantasy world within her sketchbooks, and the other is the one who wears their hair all stood up, and in outlandish clothing and big boots. Which is actually based on how much more... outspoken and such that I feel when I do wear what I call me "AFP" boots (which really don't look anything like hers, except that they come up to just under the knee).
ANYWAY, the interviewers were far less scary than I had initially thought. They were actually quite dapper and nice, and actually offered me water. And they smiled. Smiling is very good, because it reassures my angst-side, even if it was insincere.

I don't find out if I'm in until January 5th, so it's definately going to be in the back of my mind until then.

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On the interview day, while in Rozelle, my Ma and I went into a bunch of the trendy 'recycled' clothing stores, and for once I actually found some NICE dresses that fit me! Usually everything is WAY too big, which I put down to people thinking that vintage or 'used' is trendy and hip. In a way, it is, because so many people are doing it now, but I like finding things in Op-shops and Thrift stores because of the way a lot of the older clothing is made, and the cuts are much more flattering for me. APPARENTLY, the 'tunic' look is ALL thats 'in' in modern fashion, and that just makes me look like I'm a lady-boy in a dress. Seriously. The two dresses I bought are fitted, and you can actually tell I'm a girl~

My Ma was looking through the records and vinyls they had, and she showed me one because it was called "The Paris I Love", knowing that I am in love with Frenchie stuff. (How I miss my French class at school!) I wasn't going to buy it, but then I noticed it had La Vie en Rose on it, which is pretty much my favourite song right now, so I bought it, and I've been playing it over and over, annoying everyone.

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I'm going to see Green Day with my sister this Friday, and I am quite excited about it. Except, I'm also kind of scared and nervous because we're in the standing zone and I'm pretty sure that because a lot of Green Day fans like to mosh, and because it's all ages, we're going to get crushed, and bruised up something bad.

OH WELL, C'EST LA VIE, N'EST-CE PAS?

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Peace,
B

I've been wasting all my time with the Devil in the detail

Lately I feel as though I've become so lazy. I swear, today I did not do a productive thing. First, I ate, then computed, then played videogames for several hours (without realising), then watched a couple of episodes of Scrubs, and then I slept for another few hours. I really do feel like a sloth.

I've been using the "you've just had three exams and you're next one is not until thursday next week, you can afford to sloth-out", but I think that I could at least be doing more productive things. This blog is not very productive, but I feel it is something. At least I'm letting people who read it, and kind of care, know what has been happening in the life of b. willoughby.

As I said, I've just finished 3 exams of my HSC (out of 6 -- and not including the French speaking exam). They weren't overly hard, but some of the ways the questions were worded were... surprising, to say the least, and I've never really been that good at thinking of 'introductions' for these kinds of things. My next exam is French Comprehension & Listening, which shouldn't be too hard, because those two aspects were always my strong points at the language. So blahh. I will, probably after tomorrow, have to start studying for it again.

In other news, I got a haircut, and now as I keep saying, "I am a boy again!", which you should know is an inside joke between me and some other people, but whatever. I TOTALLY HAVE A PETER NICCALS COMPLEX RIGHT NOW.

And now because I am slothing-out again, here is some eye candy.

Peter Niccals and Headless.

Peace&Love
Brijjy

Tu me manques

Today I am a real person. I have graduated high school, and although I have yet to sit the HSC exams, I am now kind of not considered to be a student at my highschool. We haven't technically 'signed out' yet, but I have no more classes, and the only reason I have to go back there now is to actually sit the exams, check up on my artwork, and hand in my visual arts book (because I was a silly silly girl and forgot to bring it on the final day).

I don't think it has hit me yet, that most of the people I have just spent the last 2 years with, I will probably never see or hear from again. And I keep forgetting that on monday morning, I don't have to wake at some ungodly hour to rush and get ready to leave for my first class. I suppose that I don't feel that sad or bad about it, because nowadays we have facebook, and email and mobile phones and blogs and.... there are so many new modes of communication that "you can't really ever get away from people", as my old french teacher said.

There are two weeks until I sit my second 'first' exam of the HSC (my real first being the french speaking exam, which was quite a while ago), and I have this sudden fear of failure, which is something I generally don't get with exams. Usually I don't really do much preparation beforehand, and get passing marks and then I forget about it. But the gravity of this for some reason seems to be much more... emphasised, I think, and even though I know I'll be able to get where I want in a number of different ways, I am still scared. I'm scared of being a real person.


School protects you from so much, and it's such a small portion of life when you consider all of the things people do and go through after it's over. It's not even really 'over', when school is 'over', everything else starts.


I think I'll stop there, for fear of getting too deep and philosophical.



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The graduation dinner was last night, and my eyes are still reeling from the camera flashes.
Here are some of my favourite photos.

Myself, Katie D & Dawn D. (Photo by: Jess C)

Katie D, Brijjy (Myself, obvious...) & Jess C. (Photo by Dawn D)

As you can see, I am extremely reflective of all light, and I am ghostly pale in all of the photos. Which, I think, is kind of humorous. It makes me think of Goths In Hot Weather, but without the ... well, weather.

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Yr 12 'Muck Up' day...

I dressed as what could only be described by others as, a mime. Originally I was going to dress as AFP, but ended up demon-miming it up, and kind of got stuck between to two. In the photos you will see me truly being part of the aforementioned blog-site, however, I'll upload some of the photos in a later blog.

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Uni & Colleges & other things...

I sent in an application to Sydney College of The Arts (USYD) a while back, and received an email recently letting me know that they've accepted it, but my acception into the course is pending an interview and them seeing my portfolio. So, I am currently waiting for the phonecall to set up the interview, and anxiously worrying about what I should put into my portfolio which reflects the piece about my work, which I wrote in the application. There are some works I've had for a while (like this one) and some recent ones (like my B.O.W) which I'm pretty sure I'll put in, but as with everything which I perceive others to have to judge me on, I am very unsure about every decision I make and so forth.

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But anyway,

Peace&Love

B (Brijjy)

Another Year

The truck came to pick up the artworks today. We helped the drivers load the boxes into the back of the truck, and then while others sighed heavily with relief, I sighed once more with my sense of loss. But, as they say, 'Now we wait'. And what a long wait it will be!

In other news, today was the second last day of proper school and classes for me. Monday is the final day when we actually have classes, and then the rest of the week is formalities and assemblies, and the ever eagerly awaited 'muck up day'. I didn't realise how close I was to my HSC (Final-Final) exams. Just three more weeks and ... Ugh. I have to study!

For the muck up day, which the school re-named 'fun day', I was planning on dressing as Alex from A Clockwork Orange. My friends had agreed to come as his droogs, so we would be an awesome gang, all dressed up in white with our bowlers caps. But... then we all sort of decided that we wanted to come as other things, so I'm pretty sure I'll be dressing up as AFP/Amanda Palmer, which is mainly because I already have a black dress, striped stockings and boots. So it would be very easy for me to do, without very much effort, and still look pretty awesome. I'm even going to bring this toy piano-keyboard I have. It'll be grand.
One thing is for sure though, I don't plan on shaving off my brows... I might have to figure out some make-up skills here... And should I go to the goff stores and buy face powder? I've always assumed I didn't need it -- I'm pale as it is. (You'd need sunglasses to look at my skin, lest you want your eyes reflected out!)

Proper Life and Social-wise......
there has been a lot of changes. I don't really want to write too much about it, because I try not to in these blogs anyway -- I don't like my whine factor when I choose to write on the subject. But let's re-iterate, there have been changes. Are they good, Are they bad? Too soon to tell, I think.

Artwise.....
as I've already said, my artwork for the HSC has been packaged (I had to 'make' a box, because the original one was too small), and sent away to be marked. I'm applying also for USYD (University of Sydney)/The College of The Arts, and have had to fill out an application form, as well as my preferences. I'll be sending that tomorrow, hopefully. And hopefully they'll want to interview me! Finally, I've been wanting a dip-ink pen for a long time, and have been thinking about getting one, but I always ended up getting side tracked. Until yesterday, when I found a website which stocks & sells stationary & writing equipment, like fountain pens and quills and ink and inkbottles... It's very nice and you can check it out here: http://www.inscriber.com.au/.
I've ordered a dip-ink pen wooden 'nib holder' (I am oh-so-much a fan of dark wood), and some drawing nibs (for reference: #513). They should be arriving by the end of next week, which co-incides with the end of my high school days, so it'll be a big thing! And great nostalgia.
For a while I'll just be using watercolours with it, until I save up my money again and can actually afford a decent priced & quality ink (india ink?!) and so forth. I am also planning to keep my eye out when op-shopping or ebay-searching for some nice bottles which I can use to store inks.

Music-wise.....
Still listening to Placebo and The Dresden Dolls a lot, until I get some new Albums. Currently in the Stereo is No, Virginia... by the former. It's lovely. Mouse & The Model is possibly one of my favourite DD's songs. Period.

Until Tomorrow...
(And tomorrow never comes)

Peace&Love
Bee

Deliriums, Desires, Memories & Ghosts (Dreams Make No Promises)

... That is the title of my YR 12, Visual Arts BOW.

The one which I submitted yesterday, all complete and finished, and with a wave of relief, but also with a sense of loss.

I've realised over the past two years that I am like that. If I work on a piece for so long, I get really extraordinarily attached, and when it comes time to sumbitting it, or giving it away, I feel very isolated and like part of me has been taken away. It actually is like that, I guess. After all, an artists work is just a side of themselves expressed in a form of media.

Speaking more precisely about the work, I did manage to borrow my sister's camera and take it to school to get some shots of the painting. This is a picture of the overall work:

Then I took some 'detail' shots of specific parts of the painting. This is a close up of the left side.

This is a close up of the upper right.

... and this is a close up of the lower right.

There are actually a lot of little details which can't really be seen in the photos, but you know, I can only do so much with a blurry camera lens and a 15 minute lunch break.

I also took a photo of the front cover of the story book (Deliriums, Desires, Memories & Ghosts/DDMG) but I didn't have time to scan in all of the book, let alone take photos of each page. (This fact kind of upsets me, because it means you wont be able to read the story which goes with the painting, until I get the book back, which will, I assume, take forever). Here is the photo of the front cover.

In other happenings, I finally bought the other half of my dress for my formal at the end of this year. I know I don't usually talk about this kind of girl stuff here, but I am because I was mucking around with the blurry camera, and took a self timer shot of myself wearing the corset. I liked it, and others seem to like it too, so I am being a self promotional blogger, and putting it in here.

I also like this photo, because it is recent and I look like me, as opposed to my other favourite photo featuring the 'pink haired boy-girl' me, and cat, Vespadee.

Lately I have really been digging all these 90's type tunes. You know the ones. They have that teen angst dirty guitars type feel. (I know people will assume I'm talking Nirvana here, but I'm actually not... I don't really know many of their songs, but I'm not really "wow'd" by the ones I do.) I was looking through all of my albums the other day to find something for the stereo, which I use when I'm in my bedroom, to paint or draw or think things over. It is actually a very important decision for me because a lot of the time I can't be bothered changing the stereo/cd player often. What I'm getting to is that I hadn't listened to Placebo's self titled Placebo for a long long long time, which I'm putting down to having been listening to their more... lowkey (i think?) softer sounding stuff.

I really really like it. I mean, I remember why I liked them so much in the first place again. It's made me want to see them even more.

Peace&Love

Bee

Nyeh Nyeh Nyeh

Bonjour tout le monde! Bee ici! J'ai mon examen de Francais au jour'dhui!

And I'm not keeping that up for the rest of the entry.
I had my second last exam for Trials today, with my Visual Arts exam being the final on Thursday. I didn't study for it, and you know that kind of makes me a bad kid, but I actually think I went OK. At least I wrote a letter/message/email thing this time. And yay, because I wasn't ill this time around either. That's very surprising because usually I am always sick with some disgusting virusy cold whenever I have exams.

This isn't going to be a very long entry today, I don't think, because not very much has happened since the last one.

Except, I noticed that my hair is very very much longer than I had thought. I didn't put it up today. Usually I wash it in the morning, and put it up in bobby pins, so it's really short and stuff, but I didn't today, and it's really long at the back. Not interesting for most, but it is for me. I NEVER have hair this long (well, since the first time I got it cut), because it always ends up irking me, and I go "ARRRGH" and get it cut so I look like a twelve year old boy. I think I'll leave it for now. Even though it's wrong and I totally don't feel like me now.

Tomorrow I have a day off, with no exams, and I think I might draw some stuff. Peter, mostly. I- I bought anew sketch-book, seeing as my green book, Bruno (nothing to do with the film. it was a bad co-incidence) is all filled up now. My new book is named Luci, after my devil-boy, Lucifer Stan. It's purple and all blank and awkward, how sketchbooks always are after being filled up with drawings and stuff.

Anyway, I lost my train of thought.

Peace&Love
Bee

And the secret door

Today was freaking awesome. Seriously. Who knew that a number of seemingly small events of seemingly small significance could improve a mood so much? (Well, a lot of people know that... I think)...

Anyway, I went with my sister to see Coraline today. I have been waiting for so long to see it, because I really really really wanted to see it in 3D and in the cinemas, as opposed to a number of my friends who did the bad thing and totally watched it over the net. And well, I couldn't see it straight away. I've been on exams and stuff. I still technically am on exams, but I have a long weekend before I go back to them.

Getting back to the point.
Coraline.
It was really good. Really. That could just be my total love for the character design, or my fancy for stop motion animation... But seriously, I loved it. (That, and the cat actually acted like a cat... My sister and I kept snickering when ever he was on, because he was so much like our kitties).
The only bad thing was that there were a bunch of really inconsiderate kids sitting behind us, kicking seats and talking. But, I held my tongue. After all, there were some other, very much considerate kiddies and their parents there too. If you haven't gone to see it yet, go see it. Or if you don't like going to see movies on recommendation, go see it because you like blue hair. Go see it because you like the work Henry Selick does. Go see it because your name often gets pronounced wrong. Just see it.

Next seemingly small event that made me feel good was going shopping after seeing the movie, and finding a hand-bag/shoulder-bag/doctors bag thing which I've been looking for for a long time. A very very very long time. And when I saw it, it made me happy. So I bought it. And now I very lamely am looking forward to using it. It was from buying this bag, and transfering the contents of my old bag into it, that I stumbled upon my otherwise neglected mobile phone, and realised I had a text message waiting for me. It is from this that the next event started.

I got a text from my friend which read the following:

Do you have ABC2?
The Cure live in Berlin.
DO IT NOW!

If I had grass flooring in my house, the knees of my jeans would be smeared all over with dirt and green. I don't know. I honestly hadn't listened to anything Cure for a while now. I'd sort of just subconcsiously change the songs to Dresden Dolls/AFP songs, or those of Placebo, because thats the sort of music my current work for my visual arts BOW/class kinda calls for. So when I skidded to the tele to turn it on, realised the tele I had indeed, turned on, did not have a set top box which worked properly, thusly ran -- almost fell -- down the stairs to turn the other tele on, I realised how much I actually did miss their songs. (Proof, I'm listening to my "The Cure" playlist now -- the one which I ripped all their albums to).
And I fangirled. I haven't fangirled anything for EVER.
And... I'm starting to feel normal again. My kind of normal.

(Here's the angst part of the journal now)
Since my Trial exams for the HSC, I had this weird feeling of impending something. Very dramatic, yes. Its a weird feeling to explain, because I'm not actually sure how to explain it. I felt like something was going to happen, but I had no idea what, and it made me feel very uneasy. I've had the feeling before, but this time I'm putting it down to a bout of stress for what my results would be after I finished the exams.

It seems to be ok now, though.



and it feels like summer.


peace&love,
bee

Soon enough

Sorry for the lack of updates.

I have an excuse. Or, a number of excuses. I have been in one of those very assessment and exam oriented time periods at school. You know the kind - they happen just before each set of holidays. I'm in the second day of my last week for the term, and then have two weeks holidays before I'm supposed to go into super serious mode, and be a proper year 12 HSC student. But here I am right now stressing that I have a major assessment task for IPT due this Friday (which I was working on, but shoved it off, to write this), and several essays to write for English, and one essay (due tomorrow!! ahhh!) for Visual Arts, which, might I add, I didn't think was due this week. I'm contemplating not going to that class tomorrow morning (hey, it's period 0, BEFORE school technically starts...)

But anyway, my IPT assessment was to create a multimedia system, and I chose to re make my schools current website, because for all of its faults, it was a fault in the first place. My site is not much better, because it's still incredibly boring, but at least my pages are consistent in layout and the links & navigation work.

I learned a bunch of new things which I can work into Dead Souls, cause uh, yeah... I'm going to re do the layout... Or at least, change the colours up a bit. I'm thinking... a more upbeat vibe. How does pastel pink and lime green feel? I really want to do the whole "Cute-goff" thing, as over done as it is.

But more so, it's sort of a tribute to a new-old character of mine. His name is Peter. I have drawn him many times, but I haven't had time/been able to upload the pictures. He might be familiar to some people though.

Uh, and I'll also upload some stuff soon, and add written character sheets, either here, dA, or DS.

I STILL HAVEN'T MANAGED TO HAVE MONEY ENOUGH OR TIME ENOUGH TO OUT AND PURCHASE BATTLE FOR THE SUN, AND IT UPSETS ME GREATLY. But on the plus side, I'm going to see Green Day in December (with my sister who is OSM), and I'm in the standing section. and I won some really neat goff boots from Ebay, which fit me like a wonder!

Toodles for now, lovelies.

X
B

Oh oh oh

Hello again everyone! I am still alive (stop sighing!)

Things have been... stressy. But not as much lately. I have finished a number of assessments and received my marks. The most noteworthy are that of English (in which I had to write a speech, and thusly, convinced myself that I had stuttered too much, and therefore 'failed') and Visual Arts (in which I really didn't have to do anything, other than give in my books for progress marking and such). Both went quite well. I was especially surprised when my English teacher told me that I got the highest mark in our class. It made me feel good about myself, seeing as earlier I had spilt black/grey paint all over my Yr 12 jersey.

I watched The Cabinet Of Doctor Caligari last week, and I have really fallen in love with Cesare, the sleepwalker. Don't worry, it's not in the whole teeny-'twilight' way, just that I've been going around on the internet calling myself the sleepwalker, and upon watching the film, finding out that Cesare is (or was) a sleepwalker too. (Just for the record, and those who are curious, I don't actually 'sleepwalk', in the normal sense. When I say it, I am generally referring to sleeping and dreaming... yeah. LAME OF ME, I KNOW.)
But, I totally dig him as a character. I think it's kind of attractive and intriguing. in a melancholy way, that he can only wake when Caligari tells him to & all that other stuff to do with... stuff... I really recommend this film, so I wont go into all of the story and that, just incase anyone wants to watch it or hasn't seen it.
I EVEN DREW FAN ART, BUT THATS NOT FOR HERE. I'm sure, I'll have it up within the next few days.

Speaking of dreams and all that, I've been having some real tripped out ones, mostly where I am me, but not really me, and I am being 'chased' (or kinda, followed?) by people and creatures and monsters. I decided to use them as a basis for the storybook part of my art major, SO TAKE THAT TRIPPY DREAMS. (But seriously, why do they villians of my dreams always try to eat me?)

But now I am tired, so I think I might go to sleep, or maybe pester my sister into watching Mirrormask (Gaiman/Mckean) because she borrowed it from her friend and showed me the other day, resulting in a reaction of mine which was somewhat like this.

Nighty Night, and Sweet Dreams!

B

Style

I've just started following some more blogs, which seem, from what I skim-read, to be quite interesting and all that.

I was hoping to be a lot more active on DeadSouls, and while I've made a few more works to go up, I haven't had time/been able to scan them in or take photos. I have a whole bunch of assessments and school is slowly draining me.

But if I can get past the next two weeks alright, then I'll be fine. It annoys me that teachers think that only their subject is important (well, i'm lucky to have two really good teachers who aren't like that. they negotiate!) and therefore put their assessments and stuff on the same day as a million other things. I have 2 exams next week - a French listening exam, and a speaking exam. I also have two essays due, and the next week I have a speech and a visual arts progress mark.

I'm kind of looking forward to giving in my work so far, because I like to read feedback. Art, right now, (and kind of always), is my favourite subject. A day without art, is really tiring and boring for me. Even if art is the first class I have, I am still always happy for the rest of the day.
Thats why I'm excited for tomorrow, as my art class is doing practical work, and we're working on our majors... and I have a double-free (two study periods) right before it & before lunch. So, if I wanted to, and if whichever teacher held the room for those two periods would let me, I could really just work on painting my work for that whole time. It'd be glorious! I just started painting my work too... I'm very happy about it, because at the end of last year was when we all started working on our HSC artworks, and mostly everyone has done some form of painting (even if it was digitally), except for me. I first had to draw and plan my whole work (on a large scale) in pencil, and then once that was done (about 2 months ago now?) I had to ink it all. That took a little less time, but if it puts it into perspective, I only just started painting on the Monday that just passed. Finally, colour!

I had art theory today, and my teacher was talking about how she is an abstract painter. She was telling us how she likes other styles, but she will always prefer abstract. And then we were all discussing the first painting (etc) that got us into our current 'style', except I wasn't talking much, just listening. And I could see that her eyes kept falling on me, like she was secretly wanting me to join in and explain my style (because, just a note... my major is kind of based on dreams, false realities... that sort of thing. I've basically drawn a mish-mash of lots of the people/things I usually draw, the ones that started out in my dreams. So there are a lot of monsters with many arms, and the spider boys, and andro-boys and andro-girls in it) and all I could say was basically that when I was younger I was very heavily into video-games and comic book stories, and it progressed from there. I loved the fantastical. And then I started 'finding' people - artists - on the internet. But they weren't the famous artists in textbooks. They were just other people, like me. We all shared our art together. We influenced each other. That was all I could say. That I've met a lot of internet-famous and not-so-internet famous people on the world wide web, who helped me (even if they don't know it) to develop what I now call my style.
It was all very deep and epic when I said all this. It felt strange, letting people know so much about me. Even if its not very much. I think that a lot of people see me as a petite blonde faery-girl who sings strange songs (of cure and boosh) and draws constantly. I'm quite sure, that they just see that much, and think me a bit strange. But thats okay. Sometimes, I would like to tell everyone my 'secrets'. But...


I have a fear that everything would fall apart...

B.

Vanity breeds Obsession

There is something that has been bothering me more and more in the past few years, and I am beginning to believe that the reason it has been increasing in it's ability to bother me is because it is becoming more of a social standard and overall habit. A habit, which I severely hope that I am not doing myself, without realising it.

It, the habit, I believe has been growing in amount due to it becoming socially accepted. Every one is doing it. Every one has it. It has always been there, but I don't believe in such an amount.

Vanity.

Vanity and this thing that is people obsessed with image, the physical projection of oneself to the masses. And not only how the self looks, what their image is, but also the judging and constant evaluations of others.
This is not supposed to be another of my "Androgyny" rants. This has very little to do with it, depending on the perspective that you take (and I hope, you will take the same as me in this blog...)

It seems to me that it's perfectly fine and normal for people to be evaluated personality-wise on what they look like on the outside. It's the case of "Oh, well he/she dresses in such and such a way, he/she must be X, Y or Z." I know so many people who seem to live by this idea, and it's beginning to sicken me. I hate it.

In my previous blogs, I have spoken about my own appearance and they way in which I present myself to the world. I opt for the more androgynous because I feel comfortable that way. I hate wearing dresses if I don't have to (unless, on the odd occassion, I want to regardless), and I hate wearing super baggy clothing. Despite past 'image crisies' I am very comfortable with myself now. I like the way I look, and I know that I have others who disagree with it. I get comments all the time, and while sometimes they do upset me, I don't let them drag me down. In realising that that sort of stuff doesn't matter (that stuff being, pleasing everyone else), I've actually become a much happier person. All this, and I personally don't care how other people dress. It's their choice, and what do I have to do with that?

But this...Vanity and hatred, I have a problem with. I know people... People who I really don't believe are comfortable with themselves, despite how they act or how confident they may seem. I get this feeling because I see how they treat others. I don't how they treat others to their faces, but rather much like, what they say when others can't hear them. Generally, it always comes back to how the target LOOKS. There are always put downs. And it pains me. I'm tired, because I lied before when I said I don't try to please everyone - In these cases, I do. I don't say anything to the offenders. And I should. And in that sense I'm just as bad.

If any of the people I am actually writing about read this, of course, they wouldn't think it applied to them. That is the nature of these people. They're perfect, in their own vanity-obscured eyes.

I don't know. In all honesty. This blog is a bit all over the place, but I thought I ought to try and get some of what my headspace was thinking down.

Yesterday was my birthday, and now I am a scraggly little raggamuffin of 17 years. Oh, the youth I have.

Anyway, I spent the evening watching some of my birthday spoils, that is, I got The Mighty Boosh 1 & 2 DVD's. And that's what I've been doing this morning, and drawing some kind of bad (in my opinion) fan art of Vince and Howard (ie. i think it's bad because i can't make it look like them... save for the hair and mirrorball suit.)

And now for the list (which'll make me seem like a spoilt scraggamuffin --see what i did there?-- of 17 years):- The Mighty Boosh series One and Two on DVD
- Sleeping With Ghosts by Placebo
- Placebo by Placebo
- Black Market Music by Placebo
- Gaiman and Amano's The Dream Hunters (And I so fangirled over this!! The watercolours!!)
- Sandman volume 5: A Game of You
- Supersunnyspeedgraphic, the LP by Ben Folds
- The Myth Of Sisyphus by Camus
- A black button up with white polka dots on
- A Red and black check(ish) button up
- A Siouxsie shirt
- Two suspender belts (... because normal tights just aren't cool anymore...)
- And an Octagonal Box (???) (complete with engrish instructions? I love it!!!)

So that was all very cool and good. I also got some money with which to purchase things that I require or things that catch my eye and desire. I think I'll invest in some new t-shirts. And some goff bling.

I'm very happy to have gotten CD's. New music is always good for drawing and painting to. And I love especially Placebo's music. It has a certain ... vibe or sound (I'm not sure which, maybe both) which I can't describe in words without sounding a bit pretentious. So I draw it instead. (Just so you know, most of the shirtless boy drawings and paintings are from listening to Placebo, as well as the 'sleepy' ones... so that's kind of how I describe it with paintings.)

I'm going to leave it there because I'm finding it hard to type with a cat nuzzling my elbows.

B

A long abscence

It must seem as though I had forgotten DS.
It must seem as though I had stopped drawing.
It must seem as though I had lied about starting a web comic.

Two out of three are incorrect. The other is postponed, I think.
I haven't forgotten about Dead Souls. I have been checking back here, almost every couple of days, thinking to myself that I should write something. Check in and say hello. But every time I was over come with procrastination. This is usual for me.

Procrastination-prone, yes. But even with so, I have still been drawing. I have been filling Bruno (aka. My most recent 'new' sketchbook) up with many character sheet styled drawings, and many seemingly random lyrical inspired pieces. And then some which are just really quite odd.
I am planning on watercolouring them all, so that is probably why such a long amount of time has passed without anything being posted.

And now... the web comic. I haven't forgotten what I said in earlier blogs. I still want to write it. I still want to draw it. Actually, it's more like, I still want to draw it, I still would like to write it, but I can't be bothered doing either. Well, I can't be bothered writing script, and then, without script you can't really draw much can you? So that is a lot of procrastination. I have written some of the script - the prelude and the beginning of chapter one, but I am seriously considering re-writing it. It rushes. Very much.

But alas, I have word of a new and different comic. My sister , Siobhan (aka. Von), and I have been talking for what seems like months and months and months about writing/drawing a web comic together. It wasn't until quite recently that my sister re-found (as in, she had seen it last year in early may when we went to Mr. Neil Gaiman's book signing in Kinokuniya, SYD) this little book filled with lovely cute comic strips, called Delayed Replays, by Liz Prince. We realised that a) someone was basically living our life, or a life VERY similar to ours, and b) we could do this too.
We could write comics about the silly things that happen to us. We have done. We currently have five or so. And we will be putting them up on the internet very soon. (Well, as soon as Von makes the website all spiffy and nice...) Then you can read them and think we're weird, but then also show all of your friends, parents and even your cats.

I look forward to it!

B


EDIT: I almost forgot to mention, (and I can't understand how I forgot!) I drew and painted a page for a book in January of this year. A book that was thought up by a bunch of fangirly (but cool) fans of The Cure. It was a thank-you-and-happy-cure-anniversary book. It was planned that everyone/anyone could draw, write, paint or whatever a page for the book, write words of praise and thanks and congratulations to the band, and send it in to be put into the book. This was then to be given to the band at one of their concerts. It was. I am very excited about this.
And thank you to everyone who made a page, especially those who I convinced or told about it!

Today was the first day of my two week holidays. I am pleased.

I have had some very strange yet interesting dreams the past few nights, and while they are incredibly weird in their happenings, I still woke up with a feeling of loss because I had enjoyed dreaming them so much. That said, I am definately one of those people who feels like dreaming makes sleeping worth while.

I bought a new sketchbook, and named it Bruno. I have decided to start naming them human names, because I always get them mixed up. So, Bruno and I have been working together, and I've actually kept my word -- albeit, very late -- that I would do some character sheets. I have drawn... (quickly goes away to check) 9 so far. 9 and 1 painting. This is a good start. I would like to paint them, or at least give them a splash of colour before I scan them in.

My art class visited two of the locations for the Art Express yesterday, one of which being 'the Armory' in Homebush. I mention that one specifically, because we also went to the NSW Art Gallery, and I felt that the works there were less consistant in selection and overall theme (of the selection). In other words, I felt that as a collection of Yr 12 BOW's, the Armory's selection was much more... harmonious with one another. There was consistancy in concept. Most of which, being Imagination, Dreams, Death and the Anima & Animus. While I enjoyed looking at all of the works, and while I appreciated them, the fact that there were so many with similar conceptual backbone as mine made me kind of wary as to whether I will be selected next year (as pretentious as that sounds).

As for SW, I haven't started any of the artwork yet (other than the two title pages I had already mentioned -- but even those are not coloured in yet). And I'm thinking that I will re write what I have already in ways of the script. Everything seems to be... hurried.


I read that Placebo are going to be playing 3 shows in the UK before they start their 'summer' (winter over here!) tour, and that makes me kind of sad that I don't live in the UK. I hope very much that they come to AU, and that if that were to happen that I would also be able to get some tickets.

B

Sleep Walker

Good evening,

Does everyone (or at least the readers who know me from elsewhere, and more specifically, over at my DeviantArt) remember when I said I had the desire to create a comic/graphic novel or web-graphic-novel, but I had lack of direction and abundance of characters?

I think I finally have it.

I think I've finally found what I am supposed to be drawing, and it's come at a good time. I'm convinced that I've been influenced by all the research of Dreams I did for my Visual Arts Major. And that's a clue as to what it's about.

I am very excited about it, and really hope that I don't end up forgetting about it like I seem to do with everything else. I have already drawn some title pages.


It will be called Sleep Walker.

Edit: And no, it has nothing to do with Marvel's 'Sleepwalker', which I just found out about.
(I'm kind of upset now. Thank you so much Marvel!)

Hello Image

Hello every one,


I have not had any exams for a while (well, that's partially true -- my last two were today) and while I could have posted, I didn't.

I have been having some what of an 'image crisis', which is basically where I, based on the opinions and comments of passers-by and generally other people who don't know me at all, begin to self-loathe. I think though that that could be sort of an over statement. I don't hate myself, just the way in which I dress and present myself to the world.

For a long time now, I've had a very 'androgynous' image. It started officially when I first got my hair cut into a short style. I had always dressed as more of a tomboy, even as a very young child, younger than I am now. It hadn't occurred to me that when you become a teenager, or as you grow older, people expect you to grow out of that. They expect you to begin to dress more like the stereotype of your gender.

I am not saying that I don't like girly clothing, or pretty things (quite the opposite - I love pretty black lacy dresses, and jewellery and such things!), but just that I suppose I have always felt more comfortable dressing the way that I do. This, and I like the idea of androgyny. I like the idea of indetermined male and female qualities and features. Where masculinity and femininity are not to either extreme. Where they are equal. I've always been drawn to that, and I've always thought that it is beauty. This, I feel, is reflected within the things that I draw and paint.

But here it is, it seems that even in this modern context, you can't be androgynous. You can't look too much like the opposite sex, without crude rumours being spread, or hurtful, burning words being hissed. In a day and age where human kind has think that it has come so far, there are still so many narrow, small minded people. And this hurts me. It saddens me to know that there are people with the same situation as me - no matter how different that situation may seem - who feel as though they can't be themselves. And all this, because some stupid, uneducated person or peoples can make it like this.

I, in my own way, am letting them. I'm doing it by writing this blog, but I do it unintentionally. I do it to draw attention to it. I like how I dress, but I don't like when I have to feel like I can't be me. I don't like small minded ideas. And now I will not let what lies they say rule how I see myself, and my own worth.

And a note to all readers; This is essentially a summary of thoughts that I have had during the past few days, and even weeks. I never intend for my words to come across as whiney, or 'angsty', though it is sometimes seen that way. I am, as always, trying to convey my thoughts on the subject.

In other news, I am looking forward, very much, to getting back to my VA Body of Work. I miss it so!

B

Sleepwalking

It turns out that I am suffering from a throat infection. I have lost my voice, my words... when I do speak, all that sounds is a raspy horrid thing. Every time I swallow, it is like a million tiny clawed fingers ripping and gouging at my oesophagus. I went to the doctor, and now am taking a course of antibiotics to help fight the infection. This is much fun to have while I'm supposed to be studying for my exams, and being a hard worker. All I feel like doing is sleeping, because when I sleep, there are no clawed fingers, and no raspy strangled whispers. Just blackness.

One good thing that has come out of it is an idea for a new drawing and/or painting. There are also two more unrelated ideas. I really hope that I don't end up scrapping them.

Oh, also, did anyone notice the much descriptive language? I had my English exam today.

B

Updates and Infections

'Afternoon.

I was planning on making some updates here, and on Dead Souls yesterday evening. My computer crashed. Well, crashed in the sense that it deleted all of my files -- everything was gone. As if it had never been created, and never existed on this computer. So, I had to do a System Restore, and many many virus scans, and found that the pesky intruder was hiding in some fictional corner of my hard drive. I deleted them. They should not be coming back.

I did not, however, manage to update yesterday. So, I am planning on doing so today. The first thing of note, is that Dead Souls has a new title screen. The headless boy, and his balloon. This was actually done a few days ago, but I never got around to formally announcing it.

I heard the new Placebo single, Battle For The Sun, on the radio last night, and didn't know what to make of it when I first heard it. I generally base my liking for a song on whether I learn the lyrics immediately, or if I find myself a day later humming along to the tune in my head.

... I did not learn the lyrics immediately...

I did, however, find myself singing it this morning as I woke up.

I am looking forward to the new album.

B

Go, sadness.

The VA Body Of Work is 'coming along'. I really want you all to see it, but I haven't had a chance to take a picture. I drew some androboys today, and now I'm thinking that other people in my class are thinking that I am strange or perverse. The boys were wearing suspender belts and tights, one of them, headless, the other holding the headless boy around his chest from behind, and the last, very thin and elongated, holding up a large decapitated rabbit-head which has a pocketwatch eye. Sort of like he's offering it to headless boy as his new head. I was really pleased with that today. I feel like I am finally getting the hang of the dreamscape I was trying to portray.

I wish I had bought some more watercolour paints, then I could be painting with brighter, nicer colours for you.

B

On the fringe

Evening everyone,

I've noticed that I do seem to blog in the evenings/night time, so there we have it. I feel as though I must greet you who are reading properly.

Not that much important to say. Or maybe it is important.

... One week from this day, and then I will probably not post for a whole week. If that made sense at all. After this week that is about to start, or has just started - depending on which day you start your weeks - I will have my half-yearly exams. It is a frightening thought, that after these exams, all I have left of highschool is my trials, and then my real HSC. So, while I am studying for my upcoming exams, I probably wont blog or update the site as much. As tempted as I was so say that I would probably not be drawing as much, I realised that is probably false. I am a procrastinator at heart, I'm sure, and I always draw to 'get out of' doing real work.

I was also writing to make it known that I was actually doing something of use, and attempting to upload 4 pieces to the gallery. Photobucket would like to hinder me, as it does, and has, and will keep doing so. Maybe I should find a different image host? I'm not quite ready to make that leap, yet, I don't think. I will keep trying. You should keep checking, please and thank you.

As for this specific blog's title, I am planning to change my fringe once again. Then perhaps people will stop confusing me with the people I draw. Although, I suppose it's not that they're confusing me with...

So, all this.

Also, I am upset that the airing time for Dexter has changed.

Sweet dreams.
B

Paint

I really need to be less lazy, and start colouring more of my drawings.

I am lame however, and use "I ran out of black paint", as my excuse.
Part of me still thinks it is valid, and the other thinks I'm stupid.

I also am disappointed in human beings, and like Tim Pope, I want to be a Tree.

Speaking of trees, while in one of my silent moods, and listening to very atmospheric Cure music, I drew two new people. But really, they are not people. They are trees, who happen to look humanoid. Their names are Lotus and Valerian. They are companions in silence. They do not speak words.

I have drawn them both, only twice, the first of which will not be going on Dead Souls, as it is very very rough. The second of which, is unable to be scanned by me at this point in time.
I will draw them together, specially for the site.

Have a good night, or day.
x

AFP in full.

I was actually quite tired after the concert, but as usual I had lied to myself, and tricked myself into thinking that I was not. By the end of the day after the show, let's just say, I did not write as I said I would. I think that is evident.

The concert was brilliant. I had no idea that my mother (who had purchased the tickets for my sister and I), had received a call back from the ticket sellers, telling her that they had changed the configuration of the seating, and that better seating was available. (For those who do not know me, and have not had me explain this to them before, my original tickets were "restricted view", and I was not guarenteed to see very well.) Anyway, when we were directed to our table, I was shocked, and very giddy to realise that we would be sitting quite literally less than two metres away from Amanda Palmer herself.

It was wonderful. Up until this point, my favourite concert out of all that I had been to had remained my very first concert, The Cure, in 2007. AFP's show gave it quite the run for it's money. It was loverly and theatrical and very energetic, and I loved all of it. Amanda seems to be a very sweet person in, well, person. I am kind of upset that I didn't get to meet her after the show, as I had to go home, for I had an exam the next day. Most of my dear favourites were played (Ampersand, Blake Says, Leeds United), as well as some of my favourite Dresden Doll songs (Coin-Operated Boy and Girl Anachronism. Go figure.)

I am very glad to have had the chance to see her in concert -- even if I didn't get to meet her. (I would have been sort of upset... I would like to have drawn her a picture, or painted something, despite both options seeming rather obsessive. I like to 'give back', or I feel as though I've ripped them off some how.)

I had a loverly, loverly time.

AFP

I went to see Amanda Palmer in concert last night, at the Sydney Opera house. It was a very very very good show, and I'm going to write more about it later today. I will write to you of suprises and good humor and some really wonderful boots.

Until then.
x

Dead Souls, a symbolic shedding.

Good evening every one.
Tonight I am writing to inform those who have stumbled onto this blogspace, or alternately, Dead Souls (the site) that this is indeed the 'new' site of mine. It will be replacing Candy.Bracelet in most aspects. I will not be updating further on my former site. However, that is not to say that I will be removing the content from it either. It will continue to exist, and all of the artworks and content that are currently occupying it's space will remain too, until the links break or the images are removed from their host server.

Dead Souls is to be my new focus. I will probably not update it as much as I did with C.B (disregarding the past few MONTHS. I am aware that it has not been updated lately, and it is for that reason that this is occuring.) I have named the site after the english band, Joy Division. Rather, one of their songs. I think that it reflects where I, myself, am currently 'at'. So to speak. I realised that I have been increasingly growing out of most of the people, or 'characters' that I used to draw. I have started drawing new people. New 'characters'. People and characters who have told me they are fans of Joy Division. (It must seem strange or perhaps pretentious to people that the people I draw all seem to like the same music as me. I certainly hope not to sound discriminatory).

I created this blog to keep track of some thoughts and ideas that I may have. I will try to write on this at least 2 or 3 times each week. (At the least?). Writing in this may also help me to update the website.

Thank you, and Good Night.

Bx